Brazil - No Shirt, No Shoes, No Problem

Many countries highlight their natural and cultural treasures by designating them a national title like the official bird or the official flower. Well, i'm not exactly sure what the Brazilian bird is or the Brazilian flower is, but one thing I can tell you is that here in Brazil theres a national body part and thats the Ass and the national pastime is the display of the Ass. Now, lest you think that this unfairly limits only the lucky few of society who have been either been blessed with, or surgically augmented the kind of ass that would, in good taste, lend itself to such display, this is not an ass meritocracy. Brazil is an equal opportunity culture where a thong bikini (the national garment) is all that is needed to instantly promote an ass of any size, shape, age or relative proportion into the spotlight on the national stage (the beach).

Lest you think I'm exaggerating, a Brazilian model named Melanie Fronckowiak actually holds this years international title of worlds best ass. In November, upon finishing a steak dinner at a local restaurant one evening, I look up to the tv to find that the results of the ever important Miss Bumbum International are being announced. A tense silence filled the room, forks dropped, glasses held still.... seriously folks, you just can't make this shit up: Video: Miss Bumbum 2008 (a.k.a. The Ass from Ipanema)

So, having spent 2 months in Brazil, what can I say about this tremendous country? Well, mostly its those little anecdotal things you tend to remember the best. One thing I really love about Brazil is the universal use of the thumbs up sign. The thumbs up is the veritable swiss army knife of benevolent hand gestures and can be used in an amazingly versatile set of situations. A well timed thumbs up in its correct contextual placement can efficiently replace any of these sentiments:

* I'm okay / I'm good / I'm set
* You're okay / you're good / you're set
* Thanks
* No Thanks
* Yeah, i'll have another one
* Sweet!
* Sorry / My bad
* Your sister is hot
* I didn´t mean to spill your beer but I don't plan on buying you another one


I arrived in Rio de Janeiro go without a hint of Portuguese and into pouring rain for days on end and a completely empty hostel. Needless to say my first 5 days were utterly depressing and making me wonder “What the fuck? Is this Rio or London in February?” Having come a long way since then there is no better event to symbolize this journey of acclimation than having my first argument a month later, entirely in Portuguese. It went something like this:

Hostel: “Checkout was at 12pm, its now 5pm, you owe us R$26 extra.”
Me: “What? I no know this, why you say me no?”
Hostel: “It says it right here on this sign behind me”
Me: “Oh, Uhh, oh, but I no existing in hostel today in morning. I am walking, you go, they come back, no have using bed”
Hostel: “Huh?” . “Whatever dude, I just work here. Fine, its okay, you don’t have to pay.”
Me (making pretend I understood what he said): “But this not correct!, I not pay for you!”
Hostel: “Its okay its fine, I said don’t worry about it”
Me: “Let me speak to your manager!”

Far above all else though, Brazil is defined for me by its people and its culture which I love. Anyone whose been to a supermarket checkout line here knows that life is not taken so damn seriously down here. Brazil to me though is music and rhythm, around which all the other emotions seem to orbit... sexuality, love, kinship. It's impossible to go anywhere in Brazil without hearing that polyrhythmic pulse filling the air or a lone acoustic guitarist playing MPB at a restaurant with everyone always singing along... or a Pagode performance where there are no boundaries between the musicians and the audience. Everyone participates whether by singing along, sitting down and picking up an instrument or just dancing around the band. Music here is oftentimes less a performance art than it is a participatory experience.

As the ass culture would dictate.. people here just feel free to be out in the open. And those of you who know me well will appreciate this.. i've finally found a country for me.. where I can be shirtless in peace! (my tshirt says "I stop at speedos") Nothing seems out of bounds here, especially public displays of affection. It's not an uncommon sight in Rio to find a couple groping each other in the middle of the street in broad daylight, with their tongues so far down each others throats you would think they were looking for the cure to the lastest dengue fever outbreak in each others esophoguses. My friend Louise once classicaly described that being kissed by a Brazilian guy felt like "kissing a plunger with a slug in it".

Check out my pics of Brazil on the right hand side under the pictures section!